Last Sunday, as usual, I had a closing shift at the Harry Potter Shop. I like these days cause they are kind of a change and I really like being at the till! I know it does sound a bit odd but I love it. No kidding.
I knew it was going to be a good day from the very beginning. First of all cause I woke up before the alarm started bothering me (who the f*ck likes waking up with such an annoying noise right next to their ears?) and because I had a morning coffee while checking random stuff on my laptop. I managed to order the big boxes I need for moving out of Kilburn (next stop: Battersea, yay!)and I also took my time preparing myself to go to work. Niceeee.
Once I got out of my house I realized it was not really a cold day (it is true that lately its been sunny but I haven't had the chance to feel warm at all!)and this made me smile, even though the gray sky was telling me that I better should've taken my umbrella.
Walking down to the tube station, I listened to some random songs in my old iPod while having a cigarette and when I got to the platform I sat down and waited a bit till the trains arrived. I didn't mind, though. Not on a Sunday like that.
Once I got in the Metropolitan Line in Finchley Road and sat down preparing myself for the 15 min journey, I saw a girl sitting a few steps away from me. I could see her face and her expression. She had the saddest face I have seen in a long time. And suddenly, the day felt a bit darker. And believe me guys... You can tell when someone's got one of those faces. It's not the boring kind of look. It's not the I-Should-Have-Stayed-In-Bed kind of face. It's not the I-Am-Listening-To-My-Music-And-Have-Forgotten-The-World either. It's just sadness. Pure sadness. I promise.
The girl had blonde hair, tied up in a bun and she was wearing glasses. Her head lying against the carriage, holding onto her backpack as if that was the only thing she had in this world. Even her feet reflected her sad attitude. She was wearing no make-up at all and she breathed slowly. Not earphones or book to distract her. Just her eyes looking at some random point of the floor. Static. I could hear her loneliness. And as I looked at her, I did start feeling cold and lonely as well.
At some point, she put her hands together, as if she wanted to comfort herself. She had the saddest face ever. And I kept looking at her, listening to random songs which titles I can't remember right now and wanting to make things up for her. And I knew that was impossible but I felt the need to tell her that sometimes its ok not to be ok. We all feel really low sometimes, you know? As if nothing makes sense at all.
Like Audrey and her Mean Reds during Breakfast at Tiffany's. And because I can't go to New York and visit the famous jewelry store whenever I feel like this... I have figured out how to read between the lines and understand what the film is trying to tell me. And that is the importance of healing. Of finding a cure. Of being strong enough to want to run out of those Mean Reds, Blues and Blacks. Re-starting, baby, trying to get out of that state of mind, or state of heart or whatever you wanna call it.
At some point, she put her hands together, as if she wanted to comfort herself. She had the saddest face ever. And I kept looking at her, listening to random songs which titles I can't remember right now and wanting to make things up for her. And I knew that was impossible but I felt the need to tell her that sometimes its ok not to be ok. We all feel really low sometimes, you know? As if nothing makes sense at all.
Like Audrey and her Mean Reds during Breakfast at Tiffany's. And because I can't go to New York and visit the famous jewelry store whenever I feel like this... I have figured out how to read between the lines and understand what the film is trying to tell me. And that is the importance of healing. Of finding a cure. Of being strong enough to want to run out of those Mean Reds, Blues and Blacks. Re-starting, baby, trying to get out of that state of mind, or state of heart or whatever you wanna call it.
Dress up. Show up, darling. Get out of that f*cking bed. And yes, I know how hard it is. I do know by heart. But there's no excuses. Not a single one that will let you stay at home looking at the ceiling. Wake up! Prepare yourself a coffee (or far way better, buy it outside). Go for a walk. Meet some friends. Go to the cinema to watch that famous film everyone's talking about. Book plane tickets. Go to the nearest bookshop (yes, that one in the corner) and choose a random novel to take home.
Feel pretty, confident.
Wear nice underwear and soft make-up. Go partying, have a cigarette, paint your nails bright blue or get a new haircut. And whenever you feel you've forgotten how to walk, go buy yourself a new pair of shoes.
You can't look at your life and feel emptiness. And if thats the case... find a cure. No matter how bad you are feeling or how big your problems seem to be. Life is too short. Oh f*ck! Days pass by and we keep waiting for something to happen while our lives are fading away. These are your years, babe. This is the time you have. And its in your hands to decide what to do with it. I am not being dramatic, I am just being honest. So even if you don't want to, even if you feel weak and wanna stay under the covers, f*cking get up and appreciate the life you've got.
Wear nice underwear and soft make-up. Go partying, have a cigarette, paint your nails bright blue or get a new haircut. And whenever you feel you've forgotten how to walk, go buy yourself a new pair of shoes.
You can't look at your life and feel emptiness. And if thats the case... find a cure. No matter how bad you are feeling or how big your problems seem to be. Life is too short. Oh f*ck! Days pass by and we keep waiting for something to happen while our lives are fading away. These are your years, babe. This is the time you have. And its in your hands to decide what to do with it. I am not being dramatic, I am just being honest. So even if you don't want to, even if you feel weak and wanna stay under the covers, f*cking get up and appreciate the life you've got.
And no. Its not easy. Its difficult and tiring. I do know that feeling of just wanting to be left alone and not being disturbed. It's the heart... you know? Screaming that it needs to be healed. Well, I know much better. Just as a mum knows exactly whats the cure for a cold even when her little kid wants to go out and play with the snow. Its not possible, okay? No way you are giving your heart a rest. It needs to keep beating. So make it do it faster.
And it will hurt. It will hurt because it matters. Like a leg which has been broken and needs to be moved in order to get better, so does your heart. It needs love to work properly. It needs to fall in love with its life and all the things around it. The tube, King's Cross Station and those free coffees at Pret. The Amber and Leaf cigarettes and everyone of your colleagues. The little staff room at the Shop and Piccadilly Circus. All the memories at Leicester Square and the long walks along the river. Your lovely friends and Madrid. Your family, your dog and the picnic's at St James' Park. The latest tweets on your timeline and being able to send beautiful cards. Indian food and Victoria Station, quotes and creative writing. Morning shifts and Longchamp bags. Musicals, singing, and teen literature. Chocolate chunk cookies and the old pub where you had your first date. Pretty pinky things, and Leeds and hot showers and black clothes.
Oh yes. Having a crush on everything that surrounds you is the best way to keep your heart alive. That's the main thing, babe. The only thing you've got left. Love. And your heart beats for it.
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CarmenJimenezV
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