Getting back from work, I'm heading home on the Jubilee Line. And the tube is packed, guys. I can't barely move, honestly. I just wanna arrive home and get into bed.
After a nap, I'll probably feel strong enough to face the world again. And guys, believe me when I say I am tired. Not only because I work six days a week but because I have lack of vitamins. I feel down, out of energy. Like an iPhone that has run out of battery (and we all know how it feels when your phone dies!) That's why I went to Boots and bought myself some medicines. Hopefully this will help me out.
Wow! I feel so low. I walked from Piccadilly Circus to Leicester Square Station and I thought my head was going to explode. Its because of this city, I guess. Takes the life out of you.
Anyway... I walked down the street and I saw all the places we went together a while ago. I was walking down Memory Lane cause I love running into you. And remember our days together. Even though they don't mean anything anymore.
There's this song I listened to the other day and it speaks about regrets but that doesn't match the situation here cause I have no regrets at all. I'm just a bit sad. And you know I've always liked melancholy. Not in the bad sense of it, just this thing when you feel everything is gone but you hold onto the sadness a bitt more cause you feel lonely without the memories. Such a romantic point of view, isn't it?
I'm probably right by saying that everyone has heard the quote "You don't know what you have until its gone" but I think we just don't really pay attention to its proper meaning. And I am not wrong, I include myself when I say this.
Everyday I basically just wake up and do my thing. I always have a morning coffee before going to work, I walk to the same tube station and always see the same people during my working hours. And I get back home and I have a shower and I have a bit of time to organise myself. And I work 12 hours on saturdays at the Harry Potter Shop and I hang out with my friends on sundays. And that's it. Honestly... that's all about it. And sometimes I just ask myself... Is this everything then? Is this how its supposed to be?
And maybe you wake up and you don't feel like having breakfast. Maybe you are still at uni and after coming back you study a bit and finish your assignments... you get drunk and go party on weekends and have family Sundays.
There will come the time, though. There will come the time when you will ask yourself the same questions: Is that it? I really thought there was gonna be something more...
Well, there's good and bad news here. Yeah, that's it babe. This is your life. But anyway... its a good life. Its a pretty awesome life actually.
Routine is not bad at all. I have discovered that familiar things are good for us. We rely on them and they make our trust grow fondly. Its the things that we don't know that scares us the most. Or maybe that isn't your case, maybe your are and adventurer but ... I am writing this post to make sure that whatever your life feels like, you take the time and appreciate it.
Appreciate every detail of it cause things change fast and one day, maybe tomorrow or next month or in ten years time, you'll be thinking why weren't you able to appreciate what you had. And now its all gone. And now your dream is gone.
Look, take a deep breath and learn to enjoy thar Sunday movie with your brothers, put your earphones on and listen to your favourite song while you take your dog for a walk. Appreciate the nights out with your friends and the hugs that your parents give you. Love that morning coffee reading a good book and how gorgeous your boyfriend looked when he stayed last night and was wearing his pyjamas.
It's the little things, they count so much. And that is what you will be missing in the future, when everything changes you'll be like... wow! Im not missing the big days, I miss the simple ones.
And that's how I have been feeling lately. I miss the little things we did... our coffees at Pret and the touch of your hands. I miss your brown eyes and the way we smiled at each other. Oh! And I miss how much you love food. I do not really miss the expensive restaurants we went to or that big night when I spent loads of money to take us to the West End. I don't really miss Rupert Grint on stage. I miss the way you laughed and how you hold my thigh during the play.
And I dind't have a clue of what I was living. I didn't take the time to say, hey, this is amazing and beautiful and kind. Oh no, its now when its all gone that I try to get back those feelings that were hidden on the 'common stuff' of my mind. Not pretty sure if they were common or not. They were just fragile. And that I knew. And as if they never existed they melted so quickly that I didn't have the time to say: don't fade away! I want you! I need you!
Like those little bottles of perfume that break into pieces if they fall to the floor, the little things we have in life break as well. So don't let them go away. Not tonight. Not tomorrow. Not ever.
☕
